Boo.

I love how I only write here when I need someone to talk to.
I guess, I need to talk.

Let's talk, why won't we? Cause, my words have been suppressed in, way too much lately.

Doc: Hi John.
Me: Doc, I have a problem. We need to talk.
Doc: How are you feeling?
Me: Awful. This feeling is ridiculous. You know, I hate hurting her over and over again, as if my presence and me not letting her move on, is just hurting her more.
Doc: Is there something that you can do?
Me: Other than, just taking it all in and doing my best to make this work all over again, no, nothing really.
Doc: Maybe, you should give her some time.
Me: I know. It just, I guess it kills me to know that I have hurt her again because I'm stupid.
Doc: You're not stupid.
Me: But, I make petty mistakes.
Doc: Yes you do. No one is perfect, but that doesn't make you stupid.
Me: That's true. I guess I should stop telling myself that I am stupid.
Doc: Yeah, start with that at least.
Me: Okay. I'm not stupid. But I hate hurting her, doc. What do I do?
Doc: Well, you're getting better now with handling things right?
Me: Yeah, I guess so. Now that I realized where I actually stand, then yes, I know that I'll be making things work.
Doc: Okay, then, just give it some time to let things fall down into their places. Things will work out. Things just work out, don't they?
Me: Yeah, they do. With me and her, everything works out perfectly despite how bad things get.
Doc: See? Ain't that a sign enough? Because, I can tell you, not every couple can do that. I mean, A year and six months, not counting the months you were apart, is a long time. No one even thought you guys will last this long. No one even though you'd actually spend this much time to make this work. Seriously, you didn't even want to move a finger the moment you got taken.
Me: Yeah, I know. I didn't think that I'd work my ass off right after that painful relationship with whatsherface.
Doc: See. And now, you just have to polish things up right? Make things better. Make them the way they should be and the way they are. All you gotta do is give it some time. Give her some time to cool things down.
Me: But doc, you and I know how I am. I don't have the patience.
Doc: Stop giving yourself such a hard time. You have all that is needed, and if anything, more than what is needed. You're dumbing yourself down. That's not right. You're an amazing guy who went through all this hassle, all through this hurt and pain, and all through the bullshit of just getting her back, just the fights, or even just the weeks that have passed. And you have all that to make things work with her now. You love her don't you?
Me: Yes, with all my heart, I do.
Doc: Then, hang on. Pray. Pray for patience, pray for help, and just pray.

Thanks doc.

Wow. What the hell.

What the hell kind of dream was that.
It was like, a dream straight to the detail.
Freaking.. scary as fuck.

I'm actually like.. shaking out of terror right now.