Wood.

As hard as a wood, that's what they said about how hard my head would.
Be, as I walk down the streets of loneliness and foolishly, me.
See, I am going crazy, emotionally attached to the thought of you.
A gut feeling and little signs that I believe and bet my whole life to.
I believe in you and me. And how much do you ask?
Well, let's see. As stubborn as your head is when we're dealing a task.
As much as the sacrifices we've ever made just to make this last.
And I will make my stand, right now.
As hard as it can go, and as much as it will show.
Between you and me, I so love you more.
Maybe you can't understand that, and you will push me away like a fatass.
But I do, and that is true, beneath the lies of the world and overreactions that we both throw on each other, only to realize that we just want each other's attention.
No, I will not put myself in a detention.
To what? Stop myself and act like I have no intentions?
Of getting you back that is, because I can't seem to lose my bliss.
I know you'd like to forget this, but please.
Don't force yourself into the loneliness that we already put ourselves through once.
I know we mesh better than the black guy and the white girl in save the last dance.
One glance of your eyes and you put me in a state of trance.
I'm like, that number one fan of your's that stand out in the midst of a whole bleachers of fans.
With all that glitters right on the side. I'm telling you, I'm real bonafide, ready to die and ride.
Besides, what can I do when I drown from the thoughts of you, over flowing in my mind like a high-tide?

Jeez. What have I done to myself? I don't even write like this.

My Little Excuse.

What's my excuse this time?
Hmm.
Things has been bad.
She can't remember me.

I'd talk to her and she wouldn't hear me out.
Why don't you remember me?
I know, for the past month, that was all a miracle.
The doctors said that it was never supposed to happen.
They said it was basically impossible for that to ever happen anyway.

But you were there. You remembered me.. for a whole month.
You knew who I was. Knew my name, knew who we were.
And just like that, this disease took you away from me and the little time that we shared, now seems like forever to think of.

Why? Why does this have to happen to me?
I ask myself, why does this have to happen to me? What have I done wrong..?
The doctors are telling me to give up.
Just give up..

And I tell them otherwise, I can't.
I can't give up. I love her way too much.
And they reply with the most heart-breaking responses, but I knew that these were coming.
There just telling me the facts. Besides, they're scientists afterall, they know a lot about facts.
"It's not worth it, Mr. D. Yeah, maybe, she did come back, from an impossible state, but look, she's gone away. Are you willing to put up through this again?"

What's my excuse this time? I have none.
All I can think of was the pain that I feel. I should give up right? Even the doctors said so.
But if I did, then I'd be.

Stupid.

God should damn me if I were to let go.

"I've beaten her Alzheimer's. Yeah, I've seen the impossible happen and the impossible slip away from me once more. Just like any other day and every other day. But I can't let her go. I love her. I'll beat the disease over and over again . Every day, harder than ever. I will beat it. Where she is, is my home. I love her."

-- Because it's the only thing that I know.

And as I hold on to my rosary, I just pray.
God guide me today.

I guess, I'll be reading our story once again. "The Notebook"

Boo.

What my decision is will prove nothing else but how much of an idiot I am.

Why.

It takes two.

What? Really?

I'm being hated for this?
What now? Because I'd like to go through this again, you're hating me?
What the hell. I know you're only looking out for me and I know you probably think that I'm going to go through hell, once more just for a girl that you think, I should not even spend my time on due to the past. Alright. I get you.

But get me.
I'm doing this because I want to. It might be incredible stupendously stupid but I want to. I want to go through this not because I'm stupid and that I don't know what's right and wrong. I know it's going to hurt me a lot again. I know it's going to take my time. I know I'll have to go through hell. And most of all, I know that this is ridiculously wack. But don't you get how much I want this? This much. That I'm willing to go through hell and back one more time without expecting anything back, just so I can try once more. That's how much I want this.

My Love Story.

It's always been like this right?
We started off with a smile on your face, on the same day, with tears in your eyes.
That was how we started.

You saw your fault.
But did I see mine?

They said it was my fault for getting in this.
He said, "You know how she is. Let her cool off."
And he's right. I do know how she is. She overreacts a lot about every single thing.

I remember, one time, she got so cheesed that I thought about taking in my ex's baby if she was pregnant, since she wanted to have an abortion and I was only there to save the child. She yelled at me over and over again. She wouldn't stop despite the fact that I tried to explain why. Even then, that was my fault, because I didn't even think of her, right..?

And well, breaking up on her two hours before her birthday was pretty stupid too. Because, she thought about what I think yet still wanted to go and move. What was I supposed to feel? I felt pissed off. The person who was there behind her back through shit and out of nowhere, she'd want to leave me. I felt like shit. I overreacted. So true.

We both overreact, don't we? But this means nothing to me. The pain, the heartache, the tears, the bullshit, it means nothing to me. I can say about more things, those times when I'd get pissed that you'd call someone else for help while staying in my house while I try to help you and you'd be happy talkin' to that person and not with me, despite the fact that I just argued with my parents just to take you in? Or how about those times when you'd get pissed at me for the times that I was being stupid.. I'd actually pick one but I couldn't make up my mind which to put. Yeah, there was so much of my bullshit. Or how about the times when I'd go through shit with your mom, with my mom, with your parents and my parents?

I thought about it. Why do I stick through this? Why do I stay with you?

You asked me why I love you? I love you because you make me happy. I love you because you're the definition of my happiness, which is why I tried to get you back after three months, despite the fact that it was almost impossible. When I wake up, I wake up thinking to myself about the shit I went through just to get back with you, and how I shouldn't take you for granted and waste this chance that I have. Before I go to sleep, I think about how and what we'll do tomorow, how we'll be, if we'll get better and better. Yeah, I look so obssessed. I'm not, I promise. I go through your shit and your parents' shit and my parents' shit for the fact that I love you that much. I'm always excited to see you. I can't sleep at night before I mission to see you because I'm always thinking of what we'll do that day and how we get to chill and whatnot and in return, I end up falling asleep on the subway and on the bus. You don't get it yet? Okay. Because of you, I started praying again. So do you get it yet? Okay, how about this. I love you because you're as amazing as it can get. You push me off the edge everytime you get pissed and over react about little things. You push me to get better and better and better.

Do you get it yet?

I can never get comfortable with you. Never.
And it's the best feeling ever since you know how I am when I get comfortable.
Thats why I can never take you for granted.

But do you know what you got?
You got a stupid douchebag who makes mistakes, who doesn't know what he wants rather than what we have, who is so idiot that you just laugh at how stupid he is, who is so cheesy, so obsessive, and so fucking ridiculous because his gotdamn arguments are as stupid as it can get. You got a guy TRIES to listen to you, tries to hear you out, and just tries his best to make it all better by explaining to you the shit that happened, but that's not what you wann hear. You got a guy who doesn't know what you wann hear when you fight. You got a guy who chokes everytime you fight.

Yeah, that's what you got.. or that's what you think you got.

You got a guy who knows exactly how to treat you. Despite his stupidity, he knows what you are and who you are and that things will work out despite how stupid the shit is and how complicated it is. A guy who tries to listen to you everytime you fight, and does not even try to defend himself, but rather, just tries to explain what's happening. A guy who knows that we both over react about nothing and takes in your harshest words. His patience for you is unlimited and will deal with you no matter how hard the situation is. A guy who will be right beside you despite the fact that everyone's already telling him to leave, including his family.

Things have changed.
My promises, I've kept them. Things WILL be different, and they have been. But sometimes, we have misunderstandings, and I'll be making mistakes.

That's 'Ang Love Story Ko'. That's how I am and the story of my life for the past year. And hopefully, many more years to come.

July 1st 2009

Number one.
Oh I love this feeling.
To have my number right back.

Thank you Lord God, for this time.
For this chance, and for this moment in my life.
:)

Love you fam.

And I got you, everyday of the week.

Keep being amazing, self :)