Girl in the Pink

Hey fans, readers and loving followers of my blogspot.

Snucks here, again, stopping by to say Hi ! - from Period 2 in Computer Science class...
I hate my teacher, with sagacious passion.
Haha, sag-acious... sags haha

Well, how am I doing, you might ask? I've been, well. Well enough to write this, at least.
I'm actually in the verge of getting sick. I can feel it.
And who got me sick? Angelo, SINematic, blame him. I swear, you should go to his blogspot, comment and go, "SHAME ON YOU FOR GETTING SNUCKS SICK !" :)
I'll love you forever if you do it :D

Well, we had a very.. weird adventure downtown, full of failures, in my side, at least.
I've caught the Yips yesterday, and you're probably curious what the hell the Yips is.

The Yips is when you overthink something and ends up not doing it because of overthinking such thing. It usually ahs a big meaning to it, most of the time, confidence issues. It actually exists, I'm not bullshitting you :)

So, anyway, I had way too many failures due to this.
Let me tell you the story.

The Egotistics went downtown for an amazing chilling. On our way there, we saw two girls, on which, I probably thought of asking their numbers. But, it really didn't matter to me, they weren't the best looking girls. I wasn't that interested. So, we were downtown just walking, minding our own business and we ended up going to Eaton's and loaft. When we got there, we ended up seeing a group of girls, three actually, one of them wearing a pink sweater, walking out. My creeper senses told me to follow them, on which we so didn't do. SINematic wanted to go to Urban Outfitters and look for things to buy since they do have some real dope things in there, like superEGOtron's "penis pokey" or the book, "She's just not that into you", that are usually in every other book store anyway, but we just ended up reading it in there. Anywho, we went in and guess who we saw ! The girl in the pink and her friends. Slu-ish me and my cocky self, wanted to actually talk to her and maybe ask for her number... Super Epic Fail. I was walking up the stairs and we both had our eyes locked on to each other.. Don't know how it happened, but we were both staring at each other. After then, I told SINematic that I'll chop them.. on which, in many cases that I could've, still did not. Why? I blame the Yips. Up to the point that they all ended up leaving and walking some more. And so, I did run after them, found them then lose them. But I did see her friend, stare at me and smiled at me, as if mocking me or such as. Or was she smiling because she thought it was cute that I ran after them? I dont know. But that girl in the pink.. I've lost my chance with her.. After running about, we then agian saw the two girls that I first mentioned about, and... failed again...


Well, the same thing happened with about five more other girls, in whom I lost my chance with but, out of them all, the girl in the pink stood out. Why? She just, had the "beautiful smile and stunning eyes", so immanuel would like to put in, my eyes have laid on.

And she's been in my mind ever since.

My God, I'll do anything right now just to see her again.
Oh please, God and Universe and whoknowswhatelseisoutthere, can I please see that girl in the pink again?

And I'm not a creeper !

Keep being amazing, self :)

Superman

The beat of drums in my chest have stopped beating
And the flowing river in my veins has clogged up
Where did my heart go?

The thought of making up and fixing up has stopped coming by
And the sounds of goodbyes, no more does it bring tears in my eyes
Where did my heart go?

The painful lies and deceits does not break my hopes nor bones no more
And the insane amount of tries and failures, no more does it keep me indoors
Where did my heart go?

And now that it has gone missing...
Does that make one an empty shell?

When a poet's life turned into a blank canvas where words cannot paint
And painter's colors of the world only write gibberish

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a police officer has realized that his world is perfect, with no crime at all
When the criminals stopped comitting crimes because they have it all

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a philosopher has found all the truth in the world,
And all questions were answered and no more room for anything to be solved

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a stargazer has moved in the city, only realizing that the smog covers the sky and brings no star at night
Or when a soldier enlisting in the army only realizing that peace has been brought and there's no one else to fight

Does that make one an empty shell?

How about losing your heart to one of the only people you took seriously, realizing that in the end, he or she will give up on you, crushing your heart into million pieces, shattered on the floor, stomped down into pieces of diamonds, so small that the naked eye cant see.*

Does that make one an empty shell?

How about when a sex addict or a whore has fucked everyone in the world and has lost the meaning of having sex, and getting borred at the fact of doing it over and over again.

Does that make one an empty shell?

When every word in a crossword puzzle has been found
And a musician have heard all of the world's sound

Does that make one an empty shell?

Because right now, I am cold and heartless
No more meaning, in acing a simple physics test
Or even trying to fix a broken vase
Not even living my days like it was my last

Does that make one an empty shell?



* Did not happen to me, I swear LOL Not the 'crushign your heart into a million pieces shattered on the floor, stomped down into pieces of diamons' part at least

The Thought of The Snucks.

Broken pieces of a thought that has lingered into my mind
Like shards of a broken glass, be cautious or be cut deeply inside
About the hazards of the words that are embedded deep behind
the subconscious mind; the conscious just died.
One seem to speak of the less truth in their thoughts and more of the dream thoughts,
And not the real truth of a man that lies, only to live an honest life
Because thoughts, fear for judgment to be brought
There's less likely of a thought rather than an ending with a slit of a knife
Because people who have thoughts were killed and assassinated
While none of us exactly know how to think right
When everyone else is aggravated with what to do when their minds disintegrated
With propaganda that tells us not to speak and just fight
None of us exactly know how to act, and we still run away from that fact
Or should I say, that thought, because we always run away from the thoughts that speak the truth
Since the thought of living a lie brings chills from our head to our sacs.
The cold front of fear that runs down our spines when we find out that truth has no ruth.
We don't think because we are scared of our thoughts and the truth that it behold.
Fear of finding out that the life that we live are all lies and deceit.

Now tell me, how can you tell me to think before I act?
When all my thoughts are about giving you all the lies in the world to make you feel bad.
And make you feel the pain that I feel, when you're not around.
Let you know that these thoughts were better left hidden than found.

Because I lied to ya.
Only because I needed ya.
And you weren't there, like I was.
When I was "sick" and when "someone was taking care of me."
Yet I still said yes, when you wanted to be free.
When I know I only said that to make you feel bad.
And here I am, nowhere to be found only dead, and sad.
I needed ya, yes need.
Like a hungry african, waiting for food to feed his kids.

And my first thought was, I think I found the one.

Here I am, living my lies and leaving the thoughts embedded inside.

Neil Patrick Harris is my new idol

Something to get away from the world of Anne Marie, James and John.

"For the last time, you can't be in love with Robin and be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet.You have to choose right now."

NPH: I choose Bimbo.

"What?!"

NPH: Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy. Bimbos make me feel alive. Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man. This whole thing ... but at the end of the day, my heart belongs to bimbos.

"No, no, this is just a defense mechanism just because you're afraid of getting hurt. You're just confused."

NPH: "Oh, I'm not confused, Lily. You know who is confused? Bimbos. They're easily confused. One of the thousand little things that I love about them. I love their vacant trusting stares, their sluggish mind and their unresolved daddy issues. I love them, Lily and they love me. Bimbos have always been there for me, through thick and thin, mostly thin, big men dont do thick cross."

Damnit, Neil Patrick Harris is my new idol.

Rebound, Chapter 2: Number One

" I can treat you better than your ex, better than your next, and make sure that I'll be the best."

"Really now?"

"Yes ma'am. So I think you should pick me over them idiots."
"Really now? You don't even know if I like you."
"Then, let's find out now, do you?"
"Do YOU?"
"You're gay, I asked first."
"Girls don't answer first."
"Okay fine, I do."
"I do too."

We did not realize what was going on... him being different drew me closer and closer, sweeping me off my feet, and almost unlocking the buried treasure hidden beneath my heart. He made me feel sane and somehow, I just wanted him.

***

Well, I never really talked about my parents, now do I? Joshua Michael Vermo and Mae Vermo, married since July 5th 1981. Who are they in my life? Well, mentors, teachers, creator? Well, I owe them my life, for sure. I love them but there are times when we do have fights, arguments, and disagreements, and I take it all by heart. Oversensitivity? I guess so. My mother and I aren't as tight as we used to be, I guess. And we argue about every little thing.

And who became my get away from these bullshit? Him, John. He took care of me. I should tell you how he asked me out.

Well, I planned on running away that day. Why? For what reason? Overreacting over my parents. You can say that in my teen years, I "hated" my mom a lot. Why you ask? Well, I had my years, had my phases, and had the weirdest thoughts in my mind. It seemed to me as if, my mom never really cared about me and all that she had to say, was full of ignorance and stupidity. But, I digress. John offered to shelter me just for the night. He also joked that if I wanted to stay longer, I had to pay rent... but not by the usual means. Asshole.

Anyway, I ended up meeting his whole family, and his parents, seem to have this big expectations for him but he seemed so, respectful and tight with his family. His brother and sister? The cutest bunch of kids that I've ever met. Amazing kids. They took me in as if I was part of the family, already. They made me feel so... comfortable, like the warmth of a blazing fire in the middle of a winter camp. The comfort and the care they showed me, were... truly amazing.

I keep on digressing.

So, you're probably anxious to hear how he was going to ask me out.

We were lying down, at around 1:00 AM, watching, I think was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Well, it went off as this:

"Hey, wanna see something really amazing?"
"Uhm.. no, not really"
"Why do you have to be so gay? Look at this."
*shows text message on phone*

12:47 AM
Will you be my girl?

What was going through my mind? I have no idea. That was cheesy as hell though.
And obviously, I said yes, with a smile and a good kiss. Was I happy? Yes... but at the same time, I was scared.

He's such an amazing person. But I was the opposite of him. I'll end up hurting him eventually. How could I? I had no idea, but I risked it anyway. I thought to myself that it could work. Though, you should know one thing, we live on opposite side of the city. So yes, I was scared as hell.

But that's not it. The worse was just about to come. How?
Like this.

At a time where I thought I'll be happy with this guy, taking care of me and helping me out through everything, my doubts and anxiety probably brought me down. How? I was still scared of us, of my feelings, how everything is going to work.

On my way home, the day after, I saw James. Where about? Just around the terminal on my way to the bus. How did it go? Long story short, we talked, made out and I had a boyfriend already. How did I feel? I let the spur of the moment take over me.

Stupidity? Yes. Idiocracy? Yes.
Yes, I did realize that I hurt probably one of the most amazing guys I will ever go out with.

When I got home, after getting yelled at and being harassed by my parents, there was only one thought in mind, how am I going to tell him. More to that, my mother didn't exactly made it all better for me with saying, "John called and he was worried shitless over you. Call him".

And what did I do?

Well, I had to tell him. I had to be honest with him, it felt like he deserved at least that..

"So what do you want me to do?"
"I don't know. Its your choice. Get rid of me or not."
"Do you want me still?"
"Yes. "

I was scared shitless, actually. My heart was thumping, I didnt know what to do... Is he gonn just.. forgive me or did I hurt him that much already?

"I made my decision..."

And that was the last time I felt my heart pause and time stood still, as if God himself was judging me.

Rebound, Chapter 1: The Beginning

Well, I did promise to tell you guys all about my life.
Well, let's start two years ago.
Where was I?

I was in..

"James, listen to me. I'm hurting 'cause of you !"
"Really now."
"Yes, and you don't even care. I can leave you right now, and I swear, you won't even care."
"Then leave."
"What the fuck James, seriously. You can't even make shit work?!"
"Seriously, Marie, I dont need this bullshit."
*hangs up*

Yeah..

That was me two years ago. That was James, my ex-boyfriend now. Well, yeah, since I did call him my "ex-boyfriend", we did break up. He could be such an asshole, one time he would make me happy, and one time he would just tear it all apart.

A little history about me. I went out with a lot of guys, no lie. Stephanie calls me a slu for it, I dont know why. And I gotta admit, I never like to be the one losing after a break up, I do move on real fast. How many, you might ask? Well, let's not count. Not that I lost count, its just.. a lot. My best one? Well, him but before I met him, Ralph. Ralph was my boyfriend about three years ago. An on and off relationship that lasted for at least eleven months. Why was he my best one? Well, he was there, family-wise, bullshit-wise, we stayed around and actually tried to make it work. I just.. got tired of him, I guess, with all the bullshit that he put me through. He was only the best one until he beat him.

Well, the little fire that me and James had was extinguished and blown off by the gusting wind of both bullshit and ignorance. I tried my best to make it work, but somehow, he gave up on us. In the end, he basically left me hanging for about a month, then breaks up with me after 6 months. Yes, I was sad about it. He --

*msn messenger pops up*

John: What happened with James?

Yeah, and well, he was there all the time. Throughout the relationship, I kinda depended on him for help and he was there to help me through.

Me: He broke up with me.
John: Why?
Me: I dont know. It's done with. I don't wann talk about it.
John: Well, I'm here for ya if you need anything.

Yes, we're talking about the creeper looking guy here whom I ended up giving my number to. Somehow, he cared about me and james more than james ever did. Its pretty weird. My first impression of him, was somewhat wrong. There's something about him that makes you feel so comfortable, like a warm sensation of comfort rushing through your skin everytime he's around. Something so different about him.

"John, I hate my life."
"Really? Why?"
"Everyone's an idiot. In the end, everyone leaves."
"Not me. I'm different. I'll be here for you no matter what."
"Yeah, that's what they all say at first, then they all leave."
"I'm not going to leave you."
"One day, you will. You'll get tired of me, and you'll leave."
"No, I won't. I promise you, no matter what. I'll hold you down."

Tell me how a guy can say that over the phone? Ha ! What did I say about something different about him? But to be honest with you, was I supposed to believe him? Somehow, somewhere, a feeling in me believed everything he said. He makes things all better. He.. probably is different.

"You know what happened?"
"What?"
"Someone thought I was chinese again."
"I told you, admit it already"

And oh, how can I forget, he's also an asshole.

I got over James pretty fast and moved on and forgot about him.
I think it had to do this conversation:

Stephanie: Sister, what's up?
Marie: Nothing. I think I like him

Yeah...

Creeper-face. Fml.

Introduction: Rebound

Once, in life, something you deserve will come but will you take the chance to grab it? New people yet the story seem so old to me, as if dejavu, happening again. Is this fate destined? It's your choice to prove it right or wrong. Hear my story out...



"Hey, before I forget about this, have you met John?"
"Uhm.. no"
"Okay, Ann Marie, this is John, John, this is Ann Marie."

My first impression of him? Well, he's just like any other guy, custy face of a hoodrat, preppy clothes, shaved head, not hot at all, not even cute and he has this idiot vibe.

"Hey, I'm John. Stephanie, is she single?"

Okay, what did I say about the idiot vibe? That was creepy as hell.

"No. Shut up, John, don't do it."
"Do what?"
"That thing of your's. (Turns to me) Marie, don't worry, he's a nice guy just a tad creeper"

Yes, he kinda had that creeper vibe too.

"Shut up Steph! Don't listen to her. I'm amazing, she's just mad 'cause she picked her ex over me ! And where is he now? I don't know. Do you see him around? haha"
"John, shut up ! Forget Andrew!"
"Sucks for you eh? If you just picked me over him haha"
"Shut up ! Well, here, mingle with marie, I gotta go get something."

Did I want to talk to him? No, not really. So you could've just guessed what I did.

"So, marie, how do you know Stephanie?"
"Uhm.. she's a friend. One sec okay? I gotta go to the ladies' room. STEPHANIE ! COME WITH ME !"

So, I found an excuse to get away from the creeper lookin' guy.

"Stephanie.."
"Yes, my loving sister?"
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"
"What?"
"Okay, you know, he looks like a creeper. On top of that, what was he talking about?"
"Oh, I had a little thing going on with him.. and yeah, I picked Andrew over him.."
"Uh huh.. And I pick my boyfriend, James too."
"God! Okay, Marie, just a friend okay?"
"Mmmhhhmm"

And that's how I met him. I'd tell you the whole story but somehow it revolved around my failure of pushing him away. I don't know but somehow, it all came down into him hitting on me way too much and me giving my number to this creeper anyway. FML.

I met him two years ago..

Oh man, I'm sorry, I always forget doing this. My name is Anne Marie Vermo. I live my life near the Villa Colloseum in Rome. Yes, the wonderful Italy. Then, you'll probably think I'm italian right? That's not as bad as those people who think I'm chinese because of my eyes. I'm actually Filipino. My parents came from Canada and moved to Rome, because this is both their most favorite place in the world. Romantic, ain't it? I can speak Italian and you're probably thinking that it's Italy and all we do, is eat pizza and spaghetti for breakfast, dinner and lunch. Not true. I eat Filipino food all the time. I am 18 years old and I was born here. My birthday was 5 days ago and it was fun, I guess. I go to a school here called St. Francis de Assisi. The weirdest thing ever, I don't know if you have this in your countries but my school is ran by nuns and priests and such as. So, you can just guess how we're supposed to act and how much we pray in a day. It's a pain but I gotta do it. I want to be an architect, since I love how the buildings and monuments in Italy are desgined. It's so fascinating. Now, I sound like a nerd. Well, I'm doing all this for my future. I planned my life already, be an amazing mother, take care of my kids, work hard. Husband? Well, I'll tell you all about my love life soon. Stephanie is my close friend. I love her to death. She's my sister, without the blood relations. I always feel small around her, she's 5'7'' and she plays basketball. And she's planning to leave me for Team Europe.

Well, that's me and that's my life.
Not all of it, I still got to tell you a lot, especially when I lost...

...him




K, that's the first part :)

One last thing,
When you see my face, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell

And truth be told, I miss you
And truth be told, I'm lying

:)