New One.

You got me hooked on your scent.
The aroma of the little fibers that caught my nose in a bliss.
Little giant spores entering my brain invading my mind,
poisoning my nervous system, attaching itself to the nerves
of my brain. Simulated through a remote control mechanism,
my body involuntarily moving with the siren's song, dancing
with the deceiving serenade and overpowering the control of my
own free will. The strings that keep me intact while I live in the illusion
created by my imagination in my yearn for the Midas' touch of peace and
attention through my anxious appetites. My deranged mentality and corrupt
interpretation of dreams that led me into an over-affectionate desire to live in a world of
bliss and ignorance. The control over my soul in return for the deceit that
I live in, without noticing the impairment that I have brought to my body
as I walk in the halls of broken sorrow. Waking up to the idea that
my body has grown enthusiastic and solely attached itself to the the drug
that you put me under control of, damaging the sense to see pass the delusion
and straight to the reality. My body, exhausted and worn out from the confusion
of mythological and real, looked straight at the gorgon's eyes but stoned down and rejected the final appeal to flee. Back inside the warping hole of intertwined swirls and circles,
broken down mast heads and the Titanic of my consciousness sinking through the whirling
death of cold and bitter loneliness. In realization of the drug, I have now brought myself
torment while notwithstanding the intoxication of the contract design to keep me within
my holding cell, as my body is used for other purposes. I have lost
my soul and my love, but only the drug that keeps me awake at night.

Blank.

I haven't even heard the sound of your voice.
It was only the blank tones and empty sounds of dialing and ringing.
My heart was already shaking.
I can already hear the shattering noises that my heart is making as you pick up the phone.
Your coldest hello, though I'm so used to it.
The ones that you give me before you leave my heart blank and empty once more.
I hear it once again and my whole body starts to tremble.
Listening to the voice that is about to break and torment me.
The emptiness of your tone, the deafening nothing of your silence.
All it comes down to me, as I shake, rattle and roll around the edges of my bed.
I can feel it coming, as you downsize my feelings one more.
Torture my inner being once again.
Blame it on the mistakes that I make from the steps that I take.
Foolishly hanging on to the thread-line that separates our inner sanctuary from being broken.
Though the opportunity of downfall is new, the feeling is old.
Numb to the entire process that interludes the end.
Listening to your silence.

My Hunger For Your Affection

I hunger for your affection.
Day and night I long for your undivided attention.
I need your thoughts of right intentions to stop me from actions
That yells out for constant admiration.
I ask for your abiding flattery to boost my confidence every single day
As I walk upon the course of apathy and alienation.
I am nobody.
I am nobody to somebody when nobody asks for somebody.
Just another slate of body, a shell of insignificancy rotting within my veins
drowning anybody I touch with the poison within my skin, I call ambiguity.
I blame you.
I blame you for leaving me in the midst of my uncertainty.
The consciousness I lack that you have depraved me from your sudden absent.
I blame your blind disguise incapable of seeing yourself through the reflection of the mirror
Where you see my tormented soul without your intent to repent and me.
I miss you.

Creativity in Subway

How about the lies and deceit that I have put myself in?
The fantasy that draws me in, and the force of the unknown that pushes me closer.
The lyrical and biblical signs, coincidentally right yet intimately wrong.
Stubbornness of the mind and the anxiety of the future,
Waiting for the breakdown of the borderline that keeps me away from you.
As if, grasping for the moment of heaven inside the mind of intricate pieces.
The peace for thoughts of wandering confusions and collisions
Lacking in the empty shell of a grave man.
Waiting for the right time of a creative intrusion,
Inside the very foundation of her sophistication
And penetrating the deepest part of her secret desires of unsatisfied passion.
Entering carefully in the depths of her cortex and landing the object of explosion.
Through sensual seduction of the thoughts
Going in and out and in and out and in and out of the grey matter
Embedded inside the beauty of her physicality with limitless desire of non-stop perseverance
To achieve the climax of an ecstasy lasting through an unlimited possibilities.
Taking only one of this infinite thoughts and only picking one, me in you.. and your thoughts.

In short, I'd like you with me.
Not, me and her or you and him.
Just, take them both out and keep the ones that matter.
You and I.

Open up.

What would I do?

What would I do without you?
See, I was stupid from running away from this.
I thought I could leave all these concepts behind
Yet somehow, with a glimpse of your image,
I was back entrapped in the thoughts of you.
I was improper and did not realize the pieces that I was missing.
It was you.
The one and only, intimately realistic passion and goal.

You complete the other side of me.
The side of nothingness in my deep blackhole since you've been gone.
The side of intentions with actions that I am only willing to show you.

For, what would I do without the pain that I feel when I am not with you?
What would I do without the misery, when I talk to you before you sleep,
knowing that you are not mine?
And if I I can push the boundaries aside, erase all the letters and put the letters you and I closer, then I would.
If I had the chance to open up the universe, create a wormhole and go back in time when I see you ever moment, then I would.


Allie..
"Do not get mad at me, for the times that I forget about you. And we both know that it will happen."

Keep being amazing, self :)

We Made You.

First, shout out to Eminem's new album even though a few people think that his reputation is going down with his tracks, I still find it pretty dope. Relapse, cop it off. May 19th.

Anyway, this is my two-page poetry/letters/stories for what?
Everything.
But since I can't write my own "feelings", I shall copy some from Nicholas Sparks and Walt Whitman.

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this good-bye is both a good-bye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come. When I look at you, I see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you have lived. And I know I have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. And then, for a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say good-bye. I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and I promise to do all I can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly good-bye, I know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."

***

I ne'er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.

***

"My dearest,
I don't know what to say anymore except that I couldn't sleep last night because I knew that it is over between us. It is a different feeling for me, one that I never expected, but looking back, I suppose it couldn't have ended another way. You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love. you showed me what it was like to care for another, and I am a better man because of it. I don't want you to ever forget that. I am not bitter because of what has happened. On the contrary. I am secure in knowing that what we had was real, and I am knowing that what we had was real, and I am happy we were able to come together for even a short period of time. And if, in some distant place in the future, we see each other in our new lives, I will smile at you with joy, and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. And maybe, for a brief moment, you'll feel it too, and you'll smile back, and savor the memories we will always share together. I love you."

***

Be composed -- be at ease with me ...
Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude you,
Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you
and the leaves to rustle for you, do my
words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.

***

Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost.
No birth, identity, form -- no object of the world,
Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing;...
The body, sluggish, aged, cold -- the embers left from earlier fires,
... shall duly flame again.

***

No drowning man can know which drop of water
his last breath did stop;

***

When I see you now -- moving slowly with new life growing inside you -- I hope you know how much you mean to me, and how special this year has been. No man is mroe blessed than me, and I love you with all my heart.

***

I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be your's. And, my darling, you will always be mine.

***

Please don't be angry with me on days I do not remember you, and we both know they will come. Know that I love you, that I always will and that no matter what happens, know I have led the greatest life possible. My life with you.

***

Love, in these last and tender hours
is sensitive and very pure
Come morning light with soft-lit powers
to awaken love that's ever sure.

***

The body slows with mortal ache, yet my promise
remains true at the closing of our days,
A tender touch that ends with a kiss
will awaken love in joyous ways.

***

Our souls were one, if you must know
and never shall they be apart;
With splendid dawn, your face aglow
I reach for you and find my heart

***

And I thought the movie was the best. I swear, the book is way better. I love it. The Notebook owns. I think I've realized what I'm going to do and what I'm supposed to do.

Keep being amazing, self :)

I realized...

Montana, this one's for you.

One more.

I see you walking right beside me.
Angelic beauty, goddess-like strut and your feisty mimic of a swagger.
You look at me, yet don't really see me.
For I am only an affiliate, only a companion and only a comrade.
Compared a celestial being like you, I am only a vagabond, an indigent.
I am nothing.
Blessed be the blind, for he can not be trapped in your glimpse, like I do.
For every time I am, I am reminded of my agenda.
A disguise that I have kept inside, long enough to be forgotten and not be seen.
A secret, embedded deep within the very fabric of my egotism.
My famine for your attention.
This feeling that burns my soul, like the little drops of venom on Loki’s back that trembles the underground and leaves the earth trembling.
That most intimate adrenaline that passes by my brain, stopping me from comprehending anything, leaving me mindless every time I see you.
You put me in a state of no mind.
Especially when I look at your smile; the intricate work of art carved into a beauty by a Michelangelo.
Or your radiant shine, that brightens up the world that I carry on my shoulder, like the lonely titan, Atlas.
But I am still nothing.
I am Samson and you are my hair, and the fate that brings us together, is the Delilah that tricked me.
You are the moon, and I am the Wolverine that walked down the path of human, only to be fooled and not to be able to touch you but only to admire you from the land so far away.
You are highly unattainable.
Only a wish that can be granted by the most generous god.
Yet somehow, I still try.

One more try.

Childish Acts

Childish Acts:

Out of everything, we put our mind into, we see that no one can stand right beside you
Only ones who can see through you and realize who you really are
How can you not see that? Because I’m far ahead mature
My life and my mind, it goes on so fast and learn the lesson of the past
Then moves on, because life moves on with the present
Because today is a gift, and we should not resent it
Just live it and love it like everyday is no reason to be sad with

Don’t worry about anyone or anything
Because life is about living
Without worry or fear, just happiness and cheer
This is what we are, and this is what we’ll do
Happiness forever is what will bring me to you

I don’t stay around for people who don’t live their lives
Never give up cause we will not cut our’s with knives
Just keep this sense of humour, and life
Because in the end, it’s all about ourselves and no one else
Get it?

They don’t think I can pass life over numbers that tell me who I am?
How ignorant can one be, when numbers rule what your life is going to be
The irony is clever when they say that we’re ignorant for believing certain stupidities
Yet, we all revolve around things like geometry and physics
Now I ain’t hating on physics, I’m getting straight nineties
But I’m looking forward in seeing Einstien, see?

I keep a smile on my face, regardless of what everyone says
Because this is my life, and it’s winner through the end of the race
I’m gonn keep on hanging, keep fighting for my life
Gotta live up on my own hype and realize that I’m full of life
HEY !

Find your place somewhere, cause that’s where you belong
Not anywhere else where everyone else will bring you down for everything you do wrong
We’re only human and we’re not perfect
So give it up cause I ain’t gonn keep on this neglect
I am human and I love to be happy
And I’ll only keep myself happy, while eveyrone’s stupid enough to keep themselves sobbing
Ha ha, I laugh at you fools and you’re stupidity
Because I am happy ! And only happy.

So cheer up now, regardless of what you do
They say heartless is a bad thing, I say, screw you !
I feel good in the inside, realizing that I am only happy
Because in life, there’s only one thing and that’s me
I feel good, doing what I do, because this is me, and not you !
You don’t know what I’m going through
So don’t judge me, I am only what you tell me to be so, hate on you
Not on me, this is how you brought me

Mature Thangs:

Only one who knows can understand what one doesn’t know
Don’t try to understand, but learn, so that we can all grow
Change is inevitable, it happens and all we can do is cope
Because none of us are perfect, not even the pope
So, I keep myself happy, and bring myself up
Since, for once in my life, I care, yet somehow, things screws up
But I don’t let that bring me down, because I’m always going to be happy
Regardless, no fight, no nothing can bring me down
Only for people who think life is a joke and we’re all clowns
And that’s me, so I’ll live my life and not sloppy
Only an understanding that I gotta keep myself happy
Smiling, everyday and anyday, and know that things are looking up
Cause the sun is bright and it’s bringing me up
I don’t take fights seriously anymore, it’s only a fight
Only an argument, but I still love
Though, I am now heartless with no care, I love my family
Only cause they’ve been through there anyday and everyday
But I ain’t good for them no more, so I gotta keep my distance away
And leavin off with a good note, and letting you know that you’ve brought me this way
So trust me when I say I know what I’m doing with my life
I’m not a kid anymore, I mature
Don’t let me end my life with a sharp knife
Though I will not try, don’t push me cause this is me
Don’t understand me, learn me
Because you’ll never understand me
I make mistakes but those mistakes don’t tell me who I am
I move on with life, and I’ll keep on going on
And for everyday, and anyday, I will be happy, keep a smile on my face
Because it’s a winner till the end of the race
Doubt me, hate me, dislike me, disown me
Love me, like me, fond me, and adore me
It don’t matter cause in the end, I’ll be happy

Keep being amazing, self :)

And oh, today was a good day, beating everyone else right in the face or in the eye. My bad yo. I'll stop defending too harsh :P Though, no girls were involved, loved the day anyway :) I might go downtown sometime this weekend and go to Mississauga so catch me if you see me. Say hi !!

And I redefine the Superman Logo. It is now, SNUCKS ! YEAHHHH !!! :)

Quotes of the day:

"In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged."
-- Hans Nouwens

"Do not try to change one who is not willing to. Change yourself and maybe, one will change."
-- Ms. Gigi Wharton, loving youth worker

Dream.

Exhaustion;
The desperation of the brain to function properly.
I laid down as my conscience and subconscious mind have fallen to the depths of the abyss,
Brought to you by an epidemic of dramatic replays of the past.
Passed out, did my conscious mind do, and listen to nothing but the broken ode of dreams.

Dreams;
Fantasizing about a world full of fiction and broken anatomies of reality,
Brought by the works of an artisan willing to depict the ecstasy of an illusion
And the gore foundation of fictional facts that cheats us of the genuineness of the world.

The world;
There I was dreaming about intellectual beauty;
Beauty embedded in the thoughts of an effeminate mind.
The elegant thoughts that ease the pain yet seduces the most vigorous brain
That changes one's agony into an ever lasting joy of suffering and anxiety.

Anxious;
Emptiness ripped from the corpse of reality, yet trapped inside the world of fools.
Her image, stuck in the deep cortex of my mind could not resist temptation.
From the forlorn and beaten adventure of the brave heart,
I snatched the mere imagery of the intellect and surpass nonetheless, failure and disappointment..

Disappointment;
Awaken from another blind aspiration of bringing depression to myself,
And I knew she was merely one to bring pain and agony; I let her in, only to grasp nothing
But the broken pieces of a canvas whom the painter never had the chance to paint in.

Yet somehow, I dare, yet again, to dream some more.

Superman

The beat of drums in my chest have stopped beating
And the flowing river in my veins has clogged up
Where did my heart go?

The thought of making up and fixing up has stopped coming by
And the sounds of goodbyes, no more does it bring tears in my eyes
Where did my heart go?

The painful lies and deceits does not break my hopes nor bones no more
And the insane amount of tries and failures, no more does it keep me indoors
Where did my heart go?

And now that it has gone missing...
Does that make one an empty shell?

When a poet's life turned into a blank canvas where words cannot paint
And painter's colors of the world only write gibberish

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a police officer has realized that his world is perfect, with no crime at all
When the criminals stopped comitting crimes because they have it all

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a philosopher has found all the truth in the world,
And all questions were answered and no more room for anything to be solved

Does that make one an empty shell?

When a stargazer has moved in the city, only realizing that the smog covers the sky and brings no star at night
Or when a soldier enlisting in the army only realizing that peace has been brought and there's no one else to fight

Does that make one an empty shell?

How about losing your heart to one of the only people you took seriously, realizing that in the end, he or she will give up on you, crushing your heart into million pieces, shattered on the floor, stomped down into pieces of diamonds, so small that the naked eye cant see.*

Does that make one an empty shell?

How about when a sex addict or a whore has fucked everyone in the world and has lost the meaning of having sex, and getting borred at the fact of doing it over and over again.

Does that make one an empty shell?

When every word in a crossword puzzle has been found
And a musician have heard all of the world's sound

Does that make one an empty shell?

Because right now, I am cold and heartless
No more meaning, in acing a simple physics test
Or even trying to fix a broken vase
Not even living my days like it was my last

Does that make one an empty shell?



* Did not happen to me, I swear LOL Not the 'crushign your heart into a million pieces shattered on the floor, stomped down into pieces of diamons' part at least

The Thought of The Snucks.

Broken pieces of a thought that has lingered into my mind
Like shards of a broken glass, be cautious or be cut deeply inside
About the hazards of the words that are embedded deep behind
the subconscious mind; the conscious just died.
One seem to speak of the less truth in their thoughts and more of the dream thoughts,
And not the real truth of a man that lies, only to live an honest life
Because thoughts, fear for judgment to be brought
There's less likely of a thought rather than an ending with a slit of a knife
Because people who have thoughts were killed and assassinated
While none of us exactly know how to think right
When everyone else is aggravated with what to do when their minds disintegrated
With propaganda that tells us not to speak and just fight
None of us exactly know how to act, and we still run away from that fact
Or should I say, that thought, because we always run away from the thoughts that speak the truth
Since the thought of living a lie brings chills from our head to our sacs.
The cold front of fear that runs down our spines when we find out that truth has no ruth.
We don't think because we are scared of our thoughts and the truth that it behold.
Fear of finding out that the life that we live are all lies and deceit.

Now tell me, how can you tell me to think before I act?
When all my thoughts are about giving you all the lies in the world to make you feel bad.
And make you feel the pain that I feel, when you're not around.
Let you know that these thoughts were better left hidden than found.

Because I lied to ya.
Only because I needed ya.
And you weren't there, like I was.
When I was "sick" and when "someone was taking care of me."
Yet I still said yes, when you wanted to be free.
When I know I only said that to make you feel bad.
And here I am, nowhere to be found only dead, and sad.
I needed ya, yes need.
Like a hungry african, waiting for food to feed his kids.

And my first thought was, I think I found the one.

Here I am, living my lies and leaving the thoughts embedded inside.

Freeverse and Poetry

Back when the world was so cruel and life was so cool//
While we waste all the fuel and and act like a fool//
Broken promises and inadequate choices//
While we keep partyin' and talkin' to inanimate objects//
Taking bullets for loudmouths and useless noises//
For supressing our own voices and actin' like toy soldiers//
Walkin' out in file while they shoot us in tens and thousands//
With propaganda and bullshit advertisement about the sand man//


Blehh, couldn't finish it.
And, story coming up real sooon.
I'm just way too lazy to type it out right now.
For sleeping at 3:30 AM last night..
And realize how that verse was the first thing in my mind..
It dont even make sense to me, but hey, its a verse :D
A way to get away from the past few "emo-posts" :)

k, edit:
So, the crack addict fam came down here once again, though we had a few failures in plan.
It was so weird, since I had to call at least 10 people just to get some shit..
And either, I dint have enough money to get some or.. they din't have some sht for the money that I got
Which was a fail.
And when I did find someone, it was kinda.. scary and untrustworthy, and yeah, its fckin weird.

So, we ended up watching Def Jam poetry, and I just.. felt like writing a poem
So, here we go..

Walking down the streets of hell, I see an angel
So fly and her wings so tight
Walking down, bringing the light with her
And I almost fell in love with her
Her light intoxicated my darkened heart
Broke the stone that Medusa dearly stared at
And I enjoyed her goddess look, that brought me joy
Not pain or suffering, but hope
And love, that meaning I surely have forgotten
A little dosage of her sight got me addicted
Foreign words that she can speak, I have understood
And all she said was,
"You're still in hell."